


On the Road Again (ENG)

by NaitiaClo960



Series: Suptober 2020 (ENG) [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, First Love, M/M, Sad Dean Winchester, Sad Ending, Suptober 2020 (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:02:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26747050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaitiaClo960/pseuds/NaitiaClo960
Summary: Dean’s pretext of asking for help with his economics homework had lasted awhile before Joshua claimed that he needed assistance with the air conditioning in his bathroom and, quickly, they ended up behind that old junkyard at the edge of the forest every evening after school to kiss for hours. Dean then could have claimed that it was a rewarding experience, a face like any other in the middle of his life constantly on the road. However, the more months passed, the less the desire to eat up the miles on the passenger seat of the Impala seemed exciting to him.[Suptober, day 1]
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Suptober 2020 (ENG) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951687
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20
Collections: Suptober 2020 (ENG)





	On the Road Again (ENG)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [agent4hire22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/agent4hire22/gifts).



> Hello!  
> I will do my best to participate in this year's Suptober hosted by winchester-reload on Tumblr :). The publication rate is one work per day for a month on a given theme. You can find the full list in this collection, I'll add works little by little, and follow the challenge on my Tumblr account: @naitiaclo960writings.  
> Thanks to Alice Blackheart and Amber for the beta reading. Enjoy!

Dean was 16 when he first fell in love. It wasn’t just one of those passing things, the one that was poisoning you with adrenaline until the effect faded and pushed you to get your next dose somewhere else. No, he had fallen in love for real this time, he knew it in the way his body rebelled against his mind every time he repeated to himself, " _don’t get attached_ ". His only romantic experience up to that point had been a few months before, when he dated Robin at Sonny’s house for delinquent boys, but nothing really comparable to what he now had with Joshua.

Josh was a teenager lost in the Illinois countryside, just like Dean and his younger brother for almost five months now. Between an absent father and a mother working 50 hours a week, Josh was a brilliant student in class, but discreet everywhere else. Somewhere, in their respective torments, they had found themselves walking to high school together before building _more_.

Dean’s pretext of asking for help with his economics homework had lasted awhile before Joshua claimed that he needed assistance with the air conditioning in his bathroom and, quickly, they ended up behind that old junkyard at the edge of the forest every evening after school to kiss for hours. Dean then could have claimed that it was a rewarding experience, a face like any other in the middle of his life constantly on the road. However, the more months passed, the less the desire to eat up the miles on the passenger seat of the Impala seemed exciting to him.

Joshua, meanwhile, found himself relishing greedily the breath of fresh air that Dean Winchester was in his monotonous life. His friend, however, had never lied. Since their first meeting Dean had told him that he was not destined to stay long in the area. But the days had turned into weeks, then months with no further news of Winchester senior other than an envelope full of bills every three weeks and Josh could not control his growing love for all the facets of Dean that he got a wicked pleasure to gradually expose in broad daylight. He then knew that he had lost the battle against his heart when he offered him a romantic evening for their three months together, to which Dean had rolled his eyes with a barely hidden smile.

Despite this, as the Fall slowly showed the tip of his yellowing leaves in Illinois, Dean suddenly showed up one Monday morning with a knot so big in his throat that Josh was sure he could feel it under his fingers. Dean’s bothered and restrained face had then not left him all week, Joshua feeling his muscles tense every time he took his hand or kissed him.

One night among so many, while they were kissing like the clandestine lovers they were, Joshua simply could not refrain from asking the question. After a long, embarrassed silence, Dean answered without daring to raise his eyes in Josh’s brown iris.

"My father called us last weekend…".

Joshua allowed him a second equally tense silence, feeling his own throat struggling to swallow the hundreds of questions that threatened to escape from his mouth. Dean resumed, finally releasing his lower lip from between his teeth.

"He’s picking us up tomorrow… He’s found another job in Utah."

Joshua felt his heart contorting in his chest and he was almost certain that Dean’s was doingthe same in view of the painful expression of his boyfriend. It was as if time had suspended itself after these words, none of the teenagers moving, yet so close to each other that they were now breathing the same air. Dean still couldn’t meet his eyes while Josh kept watching him in hopes of _something_ , anything. Eventually, Josh swallowed the heart that was beating in his trachea and tightened his grip on Dean’s arm. They both knew what it meant, but neither had the courage to say it out loud.

"I heard that winter is terrible in Utah. Do you know how to ski at least?" Asked Josh in a laughter that didn’t fool anyone.

It had at least the merit of snatching a fine smile from Dean who lifted up his shaken gaze towards him. To fill the next silence, their lips found themselves almost by automatism, but the whole action had a taste of farewell that neither could overstep. When they parted again, Josh uttered a resolute exclamation before going into his bag a little further. Dean glared at him in disbelief, but waited calmly until his boyfriend came back with a torn piece of paper. On it was scribbled 10 digits in a hurry. Josh handed him his number with a sweet and resolute smile.

"Here, so we can keep calling each other and, when you come back around, then I’ll know where to meet you."

His gesture remained in mid-air when Dean merely looked at the piece of paper with overwhelming sadness. After long seconds, Josh dropped his arm against his body, his smile gone. Dean licked his lips, embarrassed and a knot in his belly.

\- "I’m sorry Josh…" He whispered in the surrounding silence, as if he was unable to answer him louder for fear of breaking something.

And somehow, these insipid words were worse than a long explanation punctuated with tears. Josh merely nodded and stood there, his gaze detailing the fallen leaves around them, unable to say more. When Dean spoke again, Josh almost jumped.

"I...I know that’s not what you want to hear, but my life is catching up on me and…" Dean made a clucking noise in his tongue, visibly annoyed by his own words. He was probably tired of sounding like an insensitive asshole this time. "Listen…" Dean took Josh’s free hand and finally looked at him." I know… And I’m so sorry. But… my dad and Sam, it’s… you know? I can’t tell them I’m staying, even if I want to…”

Josh did not react, even if he perceived the obvious distress in Dean’s gestures and voice. He pinched his lips, his face desperately neutral. Dean swallowed.

"This is certainly the first time I’ve felt the need to stay somewhere… to go to school and eat local burgers every Friday night even though their pies taste like butt." He smiled hesitantly before becoming serious again, seeing Josh’s face still so close despite his attempts to defuse the situation. "But if I don’t go with them… Even though I know they can manage without me, I’m too afraid to let them. Tell me you understand, please…"

Josh tightened his fingers around Dean’s fingers, his eyes begging, but his face still so impassive as not to reveal the withering pieces of his heart.

"The phone number."

This was all he was able to say without his voice breaking. Dean nodded with a certain rigidity, painfully biting his lip again, so that it was now red and swollen. Dean sighed before watching their two hands tied, sounding defeated.

"Maybe… I lied to myself thinking everything would be okay this time." And for God’s sake, he couldn’t tell him that he was once again choosing his family. That, once again, he would rather break his heart than face his father’s gaze or that devouring guilt by imagining leaving Sam behind. He clenched his fist. "I know I’m unfair… but maybe it’s better if you stop being emotionally invested with me right now."

These words burned his tongue and fed the growing fire inside Josh. Wasn’t it a little late for this? Josh was not a toy that he could break and change the batteries as he wished. Only, Josh was also a sweet boy, had always been, and although some criticized him for letting people walk all over him too often, the teenager could not bring himself to overwhelm Dean today. Tomorrow, maybe, in three weeks, certainly.... But not now. Josh nodded an umpteenth time as if it didn’t tear his heart to do so and offered him a painful smile that Dean knew only too well from years spent practicing it.

"I understand…" Even if he didn’t want to." "It’s not your fault." Even if he would have preferred.

When Josh saw the guilt in every line of Dean’s face, he briefly felt sorry himself too, but he knew he couldn’t do better than that. So, slowly, he let go of Dean’s hand to untie the braided leather bracelet he had worn on his wrist since his 12th birthday. The clip was almost hard to open as he never removed it and when the leather rolled out of his skin, he felt naked. He placed the bracelet in the palm of his hand and pressed it into Dean’s, closing his boyfriend’s fingers on it. Josh felt his lips stretch into another tender smile.

"It’s not a phone number." He said. "But maybe, someday, it will bring you back to me?"

Dean was unable to answer because his throat was so tight. He took the bracelet and passed it around his own wrist, just below his watch, before covering it with the sleeve of his plaid. There was nothing else to say in the face of the overwhelming reality that came to crush their mad love; irrational hope at the edge of a dying forest.

That night, Dean and Josh kissed longer before leaving each other, as if to engrave this sensation in their bodies and minds. Dean could not help but walk away like a death-row inmate and Joshua watched him do it with this unbearable sensation of rupture deep inside him.

The next morning, Dean did not attend school. He also did not come behind the junkyard in the evening, stumbling on a broad branch of a tree as he used to do before throwing a bunch of curses at it. The next day, Josh was alone to listen to the rumble of the Impala moving away from Illinois while his leather bracelet went on the road again, away from him and his mistreated heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope that you liked it! Feel free to share and, especially, to tell me what you thought about it by leaving a kudo or a comment :). Considering that English isn't my first language, if you see any major typos, I will also appreciate that you let me know.  
> I’ll see you tomorrow!


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